


Slippery Business

by StarshipHufflebadger



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adorable, Fluffy, Funny, Gunge, M/M, Messy, charity - Freeform, fluffy revenge, kiss, slimed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 00:50:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14884473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarshipHufflebadger/pseuds/StarshipHufflebadger
Summary: Jim competes in a charity drive in which the prize means very messy consequences for Bones.  Silly, fluffy fun.





	Slippery Business

_* * * * *_

_Come one, come all to our special Charity Carnival!_

 

               Jim cocked his head thoughtfully to the side as he read the poster tacked up on the communal billboard by the entrance to the dorms.  The carnival, he read, was to raise awareness and request donations of both credits and supplies for those affected by the terrible earthquake that had happened recently.  Thousands of people had lost their homes, and while the Federation was working as quickly as it could to re-home people, emergency supplies were still in demand.  The poster went on to list ways that cadets could help:  perform some kind of act like sleight of hand tricks or juggling, start a donation bidding war to get one of your friends pied in the face or slimed, or help sell concessions and trinkets for people to buy, all proceeds towards the cause.

 

               Jim finished reading the poster, and then his eyes flickered back to _“a donation bidding war to get one of your friends pied in the face or slimed”_ , and a slow smile spread over his face.  How incredibly fun would that be?  He’d be raising money and awareness for an excellent cause, and he’d get to playfully embarrass Leonard.  Sounded like a win-win situation to him.  He sauntered off to class, mulling his plan over in his head, and later in the day he went over to the main office and got signed up for a donation campaign.

 

               Right away, the real work began; Jim started polling his classmates and asking for donations on the downlow, explaining his plan, and begging everyone not to let Leonard know what he was scheming.  He knew Leonard wouldn’t refuse, even though he’d be highly reluctant;  it was too good of a cause to worry about getting a little (okay, a lot) messy, but he still didn’t want him to know ahead of time.  Jim was practically giddy with the thought of his plan, and knew he was going to spend the foreseeable future imagining all the new opportunities for teasing and flirting it would create.

 

               Unfortunately, after a day or two, Leonard clearly had been given the heads up by someone, and Jim knew the second he walked in to their shared dorm room that his game was up.

 

               “So, I hear you’ve been plottin’ against me,” Leonard said, one eyebrow raised and arms folded across his chest as soon as Jim had entered the room.  Jim let out a nervous chuckle as he shrugged off his jacket and tossed it onto his bed, putting on an innocent face.

 

               “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Bones,” Jim said with a cheerful airiness, wandering into the kitchenette to get a drink.  “Why would I plot against you?”

 

               “Because you’d absolutely love to shove a pie in my face?” Leonard replied flatly, eyebrow still raised.  “I know you, Jim.  I bet you jumped up and down with excitement when you saw the posters.”  Jim fought hard to hide a smile but was ultimately unsuccessful.  Leonard rolled his eyes with a groan as Jim grinned at him, sipping a glass of water   “Why, Jim?  Why?”  Leonard moaned, putting a hand to his forehead and covering his eyes for a moment before meeting Jim’s gaze again.

 

               “Because!  You are a well known cadet _and_ doctor, I’m likely to get a ton of donations from people if you’re the target!”  Jim continued to grin, reaching out and clapping Leonard on the shoulder.  “Plus, y’know… I’d absolutely love to shove a pie in your face,” Jim conceded, laughing as Leonard made an exasperated noise and threw his hands upward.  “Or dump a bucket of slime over your head.  I must admit, both have their appeal.”   Leonard gave Jim a withering gaze that only proceeded to amuse Jim more, and he practically giggled as Leonard sighed and dropped into a chair at their small table. 

 

               “Oh come on, be a good sport,” Jim said after a moment of silence, as Leonard peered at him somewhat broodingly.  Leonard sighed, ran a hand through his hair and frowned at Jim, but Jim knew by the look in his eyes that it was all okay, even before he spoke.

 

               “Fine,” Leonard huffed, taking a sip from Jim’s glass of water.  “Only because it’s for charity.”

 

               Jim grinned and clapped him on the shoulder again, making him spill the glass he was still holding, splashing cold water into his lap. 

 

               “Ah, gotta go!  My next lecture is in fifteen minutes!” Jim darted away from the table as Leonard looked murderous, a dark stain spreading across his lap from the water.  Jim grabbed his jacket and high-tailed it out the door, laughing the whole way.

 

* * * * *

 

               “… so that’s why I think you should support my donation campaign for good ol’ Leonard McCoy,” Jim concluded, as he finished up his spiel to yet another small group of classmates he hadn’t gotten around to yet.  The girls he was talking to had seemed highly amused the whole time, and now they whispered to each other before turning back to him, smiling.

 

               “No, I don’t think so, sorry,” one of them said, and they all continued to smile.  “We’ve already donated to someone else.”   They gave him a little shrug each and turned to leave.  Jim’s smile turned to a frown;  he had barely been refused by anyone so far, and certainly not several people at once.

 

               “Wait, what?  To who?”  Jim asked, and the girls stopped and glanced at each other before the one who had spoken before turned back to him. 

 

               “Why, to Leonard himself, of course,” the girl smiled, as her friends giggled behind her.  Chuckling at the surprised look on Jim’s face, the girls turned and walked off, leaving him there, somewhat alarmed. 

 

               Shaking himself, Jim decided that the girls were probably just messing with him and moved on, walking up to people around the quad.  To his dismay, he found that quite a few the people he gave his pitch to had already donated; and they were all to Bones.  Both shocked and amused, Jim eventually made his way back to the dorm room, where he found Leonard stretched out on the couch with his feet up on the arm, watching something on the holo-projector. 

 

               “You’re trying to out-campaign me!” Jim accused as the door closed behind him.  A smirk played over Leonard’s lips as he paused the video and sat up, taking in Jim’s mixed expression.

 

               “Why yes, I believe I am,” Leonard stated rather matter-of-factly, his smirk still in place.  “It’s an open donation drive, is it not?”

 

               “Well, yeah, but—” Jim faltered, trying to find the words to explain that this was _his_ thing, _his_ way of flirting with Bones, though of course he didn’t want to admit that that was his plan all along, so he mouthed wordlessly a couple of times while Leonard watched him in amusement.

 

               “Scared, Jim?” Leonard asked, clearly enjoying himself.  Jim narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest in a good impression of Bones.

 

               “Ha.  Yeah right,” Jim snorted, shaking his head.  “I never back down from a challenge.”

 

               “Oh, I know,” Leonard chuckled, standing up and moving past Jim into the kitchenette. He took a plate out of the cupboard and opened the bag of bread on the counter, eyeing Jim as he did so.    “You better prepare yourself for a loss, Jim… I have more backers than you think.”

 

               “Is that so?” Jim inquired, raising an eyebrow.  “Well, I know more people that you do,” he countered, cringing inwardly at how lame it sounded.  Apparently Leonard thought so too, because he snorted softly as he spread butter on his bread.

 

               “You may be more of a social butterfly than me, Jim… but I have the entire staff of the medical centre on my side,” Leonard informed him casually, his eyes twinkling as put the knife he was using into the sink.  Jim opened his mouth as though to speak, but no words came out.  He had to admit, he was pretty surprised that Leonard was playing hardball like this.  It admittedly kind of worried him, as he wasn’t really fond of gooey stuff in his perfect hair, but he also had to admit, somewhere inside he was absolutely _thrilled_ that Leonard was fighting back.  It made this all so much more exciting, and he let this show on his face, grinning at Leonard, who looked a bit less confident, now Jim seemed fearless again.

 

               “We’ll see.  May the best man win,” Jim narrowed his eyes again but couldn’t banish the half-smile from his lips.  He _loved_ a challenge, and he was not about to lose.  Leonard gave him a long, steady look, and Jim could see the determination and thrill of a challenge in his eyes as well.

 

               “Agreed.”

 

 * * * * *

 

               The next few days were full of campaigning between classes and after, during meals and in the quad in the early evening sun.  Jim still managed to find some takers each time, but more and more he was being denied, either because he was asking people for a second time and they’d given to him before, or worse; they’d already donated to Leonard.   Jim knew he had a large early lead, but as the day of the carnival approached and he found less and less success, he had to admit he was becoming a bit concerned.   Leonard had almost gleefully informed him this morning that he’d nearly caught up, and had many prospective donators still to go.   Jim had chewed on his lip throughout his lectures that day, trying to think of new groups of people he hadn’t appealed to yet.

 

               The morning of the event dawned bright and sunny as usual, and Leonard was particularly smug at the breakfast table as he informed Jim that he’d won.

 

               “I have a couple hundred credits more than you,” Leonard told him, biting into his toast like it was the greatest thing he’d ever eaten, he was so proud of himself.  “You put up a great fight, though.”     Jim didn’t say much, just eyed Leonard suspiciously as he himself gobbled down some toast.   The donations weren’t due until 11:30am, with the event starting at noon.  It was only just after nine.  After mulling it over for a few moments, Jim decided he was sure he could get some last minute donations and left the dorm minutes later, determined.

 

               Unfortunately, after over an hour of canvassing, he only found a couple of people willing to donate.  The vast majority of those he approached had already donated to either himself or Leonard, and the rest were planning to spend their extra credits some other way.   Though Leonard had already told him he had the entirety of the medical staff on his side, Jim was getting desperate and so found himself walking towards the medical centre anyway, prepared to beg anyone he found that hadn’t donated yet.  He was so close, he just needed a few more donations and he’d be at least tied with Bones.

 

               “Maybe we’ll just pie each other at the same time,” Jim chuckled under his breath, thinking that the situation might not be terrible.  Still, his competitive nature refused to let him admit defeat, so he entered the med centre and began asking everyone he came across.

 

               To his great surprise, many of the doctors and other staff were quite willing to give him a few credits.  Most _had_ already donated to Leonard, but in the name of a good old-fashioned ribbing, they also wanted to see Leonard get messed up.  Gleefully, Jim collected far more donations from them than he ever would have dreamed and practically skipped out of the building several minutes later, his win assured.  He was just checking how many donations he’d accumulated when the clock on his PADD flipped to 11:30am, and his campaign automatically closed itself and submitted the donations to the network.  Smirking, he put the PADD away and hurried over to the quad, where large, colourful tents and many booths had been set up.  People were selling food and items and some of the tables, while some of the tents had games with prizes you could try to win for a small donation fee. 

 

               He could see a small, flat platform towards the side of the carnival with a chair and a large bucket sitting next to it, with a small crowd gathering around, waiting.  Jim smiled and headed over towards it.  The person setting it up noticed him and watched him approach.  Jim held out a hand, and the organizer took it.

 

               “Name’s Jim Kirk.  I believe I won this donation contest?”  He phrased it as a question, but he knew he was correct.  There was no way Bones had beat him now, and he smiled as the organizer’s eyes lit up when she heard his name.

 

               “Oh, Mr. Kirk!  Excellent!  Your donation total was incredible, thank you so much for all you’ve done!  I’m Penney.”  She squeezed his hand and then tugged him closer to her conspiratorially.  “So, who is your victim?  I’ll call them up here once we get started.”

 

               “Leonard McCoy,” Jim replied in a low voice, glancing around to make sure he wasn’t nearby.  “Your runner up, I believe.”  Penney checked her notes and nodded enthusiastically.

 

               “Yes, indeed!  Wow, between the two of you, you raised a _lot_ of money!”  She looked at him, impressed.  “Were you competing?”

 

               “Absolutely,” Jim chuckled, still glancing around for Bones.  “I was _his_ victim if he won, after all.”   Penney laughed and nodded, then waved him away as Bones approached, looking smug.

 

               “Ready to get messy?” Leonard asked him, smirking.  Jim watched him for a moment, realizing that Bones had been confident enough in his donation count that he hadn’t checked the updated totals.   Not wanting to ruin the surprise, Jim just shrugged and replied lightly.

 

               “We’ll see.”

 

               They hung around for a moment or two, but it was already almost noon, and a crowd had gathered at the small platform.  Penney appeared at the front of the platform and smiled at the crowd, looking around until she spotted Jim near the edge of the front.

 

               “Welcome, everyone!  As you probably know, this event has been very popular in past years, and I’m pleased to announce that this year, the donation total was the highest it’s ever been!”  There was some scattered cheering and applause, and then then she continued.

 

               “Without further ado, I’d like to present our two top canvassers.  Jim Kirk, and Leonard McCoy!”   Penney gestured towards Jim and Leonard, beckoning them up on stage.  Leonard looked slightly startled at both of them being asked to come up, but Jim took it in stride, merrily hoping up onto the low platform and giving the crowd a little wave and a grin.  Leonard stepped up beside him, nodding to the crowd.  Jim glanced at him;  he appeared to be his usual, neutral self, even smiling a little, but Jim could tell he was nervous.

 

               “These two wonderful cadets raised over $5,000 credits!” Penney patted them both on the shoulder as the crowd cheered loudly, and even Leonard couldn’t help grinning.  Whatever the outcome, they’d raised a ton of money for the charity and they were both extremely proud of that.    Once the cheering had died down, Penney shook hands with either of them, then faced the crowd again.

 

               “Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  I will now announce the winner!”   Jim and Leonard glanced at each other, both full of nervous excitement, though Jim was quite obviously less nervous than Leonard.

 

               “The winner –”

 

               “Sorry Jim,” said Leonard cheerfully, quiet enough that he couldn’t be heard by the crowd.

 

               “What?” Jim asked, feigning deafness, amused.

 

               “of the charity “slime your friend” donation drive—”

 

               “I said, “Sorry, Jim”!” Leonard repeated, about to reach out and clap Jim on the shoulder.  “I’m sure it won’t be so ba—”

 

               “—is Jim Kirk!”

 

               The crowd erupted into cheers as Leonard’s hand froze in mid-air, halfway to Jim’s shoulder.  Jim pumped a fist into the air, grinning wildly, as Leonard stood in shock, staring at him.

 

               “You were saying?” Jim asked, his voice thick with laughter at the look on Bones’ face.

 

               “H-how?” Leonard asked, astounded, his face paling.  “I was definitely ahead of you this morning, I’m sure of it, I—”

 

               “I guess I’m just very persuasive,” Jim replied, grinning, nearly drowned out by the cheers.  Before Leonard could reply, Penney had put her hand on Jim’s arm to get his attention.  When she spoke, it was loud enough for the crowd to hear.

 

               “And I’m sure we’re all dying to know, Jim… who is your victim?”

 

               Leonard’s face paled even more as Jim shot the crowd a cheeky grin and turned to face him.  Leonard seemed to expect Jim to shout his name and cringed, but all Jim did was point at him with both arms as the crowd erupted into cheers again.

 

               “Oh god,” Leonard groaned, as the reality of the situation set in.  Jim could tell he’d been so shocked just by the fact that he’d lost, he’d almost forgotten what the repercussions of actually losing were.

 

               “Are you okay with this?” a quiet female voice asked. Both he and Leonard looked around and saw Penney looking up at Leonard, genuinely asking him.  They knew she wouldn’t force him to go through with it, but Leonard glanced briefly at Jim, and Jim knew he was determined to be a good sport.

 

               “Yeah, it’s fine,” Leonard said, and though he couldn’t keep a note of grumpiness out of his voice, he managed to sound generally normal.  He sighed heavily as Penney guided him to the chair and gestured for him to sit down.  Looking like he was about to be tortured, and clearly fully aware that all eyes were on him, Leonard sat, facing the crowd.  Jim grinned and shuffled around behind him, lugging the 5 gallon bucket closer.  A glimpse inside showed him the bright green, slimy contents he grin wildly, showing it to Bones, who groaned softly, looking up at him with a slightly pleading look before his expression hardened under Jim’s gleeful gaze.

 

               “Yeah, yeah, alright, you got me,” Leonard groused at him, though he had a small smile curling the corner of his lips.  “Do your worst.”

 

               Jim beamed as he took the words to heart, squeezed Leonard’s shoulder, and then leant over to pick up the bucket.   The crowd began counting down from five, and Leonard tensed in his seat, waiting nervously. 

 

               “Five!  Four!”  Jim shifted the bucket at his feet, getting into position.

 

               “Three!”  Jim was yelling along with the crowd, and could see Leonard shifting anxiously in his seat as he lifted the heavy bucket, the slime slopping around inside.

 

               “Two!” Jim had his eyes on Leonard as the other man glanced up for a moment, meeting his gaze for a split second before turning away.

 

               “One!”  Leonard took a deep breath and closed his eyes, scrunching up his face as he waited anxiously.

 

               Jim waited for a fraction of a second after the ‘one’ before he tipped the bucket, watching the first bit of green splash down onto Leonard’s dark hair.  He heard Leonard gasp and he laughed as he tipped, mesmerized as the slime poured out of the bucket and over Leonard’s head, coating his hair and running down his face, down his neck and over his shoulders in the front and back, pooling in his lap.  By the time Jim was finished, Leonard was unrecognizable, looking something like a swamp monster from head to knees.

 

               The crowd was cheering as Jim laughed and Leonard, slowly getting over his shock, shakily reached up and cleared his eyes and tried to wipe some of the slime off of his face, running his hands through his hair, shaking out his arms.  Leonard was laughing a bit by now, still looking rather shocked, but Jim felt his heart swell as he looked at him, feeling the overwhelming urge to kiss the man; though maybe that could wait until Leonard wasn’t covered in goo.

 

               Leonard had just leapt up from his chair, and Jim took a step back, because he was sure that Leonard was about to tackle the him and smear the slime over him too, when Penney stepped forward, her arms out to keep them separated, stopping a couple feet from either of them.

 

               “Wait, Leonard - ” she said, clearly not wanting to get _too_ close to him, lest she get slimy too.  “Before you do that, I think I have an even better proposal.”   Leonard tilted his head slightly to the side, curious, as Jim’s grin faded a bit, and he wondered what was going on.  Penney winked at Jim and then at Leonard, then turned back to the crowd.

 

               “How did you like that?” she asked them, and was answered with cheers.  Leonard chuckled and waved ruefully, dripping slime all over the platform, and Jim just smiled, waving his fist in the air.   “Given the great competition between the two of these young gentlemen, and the fact that we are so incredibly grateful for everything they’ve done - ”  Penney glanced at either of them and smiled.  “We’ve decided to change the rules.  They were so close in donation total in the end that we’ve decided that they’re _both_ winners!”

 

               The crowd burst into cheers again as Jim’s expression took a turn towards shocked, though his smile never completely faded.  He was reeling slightly; both a bit reluctant but also extremely amused by the change of events.   He looked over as a grin slowly spread over Leonard’s face as he clearly realized this meant that he was about to get his revenge. 

 

               Penney looked up at him, and he nodded at her, since they both knew that Jim was going to be Leonard’s choice.  Sure enough, when Penney asked him who his victim was, Leonard grinned and pointed at Jim with a slime-covered hand.   Jim sighed in a resigned kind of way and then laughed, allowing Penney to move him forward.  He sat gingerly in the chair; it was already slimy from minutes earlier, and he could hear Bones behind him, chuckling at his hesitance. 

 

               “Ready?” Penney called to both the crowd and Jim, who cheered and nodded, respectively.  “Alright!  Count down from five again!”

 

               As the crowd counted down, Jim took a deep breath and glanced up at Leonard, who looked equal parts satisfied that he was about to get his revenge, and triumph over still bringing in a win.

 

               “Two!  One!”

 

               Barely a second later, the slime began to pour from the overturning bucket and splattered onto his head.  Jim let out a yelp as it splashed directly in the centre of his hair and immediately engulfed his head, spilling over his hair and coating every bit of it.  He squirmed as the slime poured down his neck and shoulders and into and over his white t-shirt, turning it green.  He gasped as the crowd shouted its approval, the sound muffled as the slime continued to cascade over him, coating even his ears as it ran down his head.  He had been leaning forward a bit and made the mistake of straightening up;  immediately the slime poured over his face as well and he spluttered, reaching up to wipe his eyes as the stream of slime finally slowed to a trickle and ended. 

 

               The crowd was still cheering and clapping as he wiped his face a little better, feeling like a drowned rat as the slime clung to him, heavier and thicker than water, turning his entire upper body and upper legs green.  A good deal of it had pooled in his lap and he scooped it up, tossing it at the crowd to shrieks of surprise and giddiness.

 

               Jim looked up at Leonard, who was looking down at him with an expression of highest amusement but also something that Jim couldn’t identify.  Jim let a smile grace his expression;  he felt silly and pretty embarrassed, but he couldn’t help but laugh.  It was hard not to laugh when they were both covered nearly from head to toe in bright green goop.  Jim ran a hand through his slimy hair, shivering as a large blob of it cascaded down his back.  Leonard was still watching him, laughing easily now.

 

               “Let’s get a round of applause for our great sports!” Penney called, and the crowd gave a last burst of cheers as Leonard pulled Jim to his feet and raised his hand into the air, like he’d won a wrestling match.   Penney tossed them each a towel and they wiped their faces as the cheering and clapping slowly died down and people began to wander away.  Jim watched Leonard as he ran a hand through his hair experimentally several times, feeling the slime there and wrinkling his nose a little.  It was absolutely adorable, and Jim could help but stare, affection for Bones making his heart flutter.   Leonard looked up and saw him staring, looking slightly startled.

 

               “What?” Leonard asked, suddenly self conscious.  “You look as goofy as I do,” he asserted, clearly misinterpreting the reason for Jim’s continued staring.

 

               “You don’t look goofy,” Jim said, though truthfully, he really did.  Leonard raised an eyebrow at him, clearly wondering what his problem was.

 

               “Then what—” Leonard began, but Jim didn’t let him finish.  Before he could even think about whether he should or not, Jim dropped his towel and reached for Leonard, slipping his hands up his slime-covered shoulders and pulling him close.  The last thing Jim saw was Leonard’s surprised expression before Jim closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Leonard’s, kissing him for the first time.  He could feel that Leonard had frozen, but after a few seconds, Leonard seemed to thaw and Jim felt one of the doctor’s hands coming to rest on his side.  

 

               It wasn’t until there was loud _Oooooo!_ from the crowd that they broke apart, snapped out of the moment as people giggled and clapped for them.  Jim grinned as Leonard’s cheeks flushed slightly pink, laughing nervously at being observed in such an unexpected moment.

 

               “Jim, I…” Leonard began, looking down at him.  “I didn’t know you felt…” he trailed off, and Jim smiled up at him, reaching up to stroke his slimy cheek briefly.

 

               “All the flirting didn’t tip you off?” Jim asked, chuckling.

 

               “To be fair, you flirt with pretty much everyone,” Leonard said, and they both laughed.  “I thought that was just your MO.”  They looked at each other for a long moment before Leonard ran a hand through his hair again and shuddered.   “Okay, maybe we should finished this moment later… We need to get cleaned up.”

 

               Jim laughed and took Leonard’s hand, leading him away from the stage toward the outdoor pool.  They found a hose outside the pool building and hosed each other down, yelling in shock at the chill of the water, but soon they were clean enough to rejoin the masses at the carnival.  They weren’t the only ones soaking wet;  there were several stations with water games, and quite a few others were walking around with wet hair or clothes, though no one was dripping quite as much as they were.  Jim took Leonard’s hand again and they found a cozy spot to themselves a bit farther away from the crowds, and spent the afternoon lounging together in the sun, drying off and talking, and every once in a while they would steal some kisses, but mostly they just lay there, basking in what had turned out to be an excellent day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please review or leave me a note! It makes my week to know if you liked it <3


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